im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
smell my finger.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
