he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
