After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize