Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
