I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
