They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize