Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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