I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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