im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
