He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
