peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I need water and some morals
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