she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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