I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
