Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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