i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
