Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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