i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize