Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
