Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize