The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
