sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
