Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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