If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just invented taco cereal.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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