Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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