I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
