Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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