I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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