Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
