He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and she was petting her beer can
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
