I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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