she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize