I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
