What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
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