How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
