Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
