We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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