You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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