at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
