Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
