so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
