I wish I only lived at night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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