i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
