I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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