I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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