I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
