I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
