Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
