i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
