felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize