i barfeds in our rink
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
