there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
