I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
