I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
