I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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