Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize