The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
