good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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