Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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