If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
