So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
