Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
