Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
