I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
