So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
