Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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