Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
