oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
