I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize