I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We had to coat check the pizza.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
