Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
