Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize