At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
