I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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