I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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