I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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