Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
