I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
