Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
