I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
