not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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