i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
