i barfeds in our rink
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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