the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize