hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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