Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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