my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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