Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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