Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize