My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think I am morally bankrupt
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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