real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
