She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
