I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
