i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
