i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
