my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
