thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
